Saturday, June 27, 2009

Day 177




30 Posts in thirty days.


30 random facts about me.


Fun Fact #27: I was a complete dork my first 2 years of high school.

I'm putting this embarrassing picture of me up so you can see that I'm not lying. I used to get called Big Zero. (I thought it was funny as hell, personally) I was a social caterpillar, not ready for the dangers of the social world. I was always with my best friend James, we had our own 2 person clique going on. I mean,we hung out with other people, but it was always during school.

I didn't get asked for my phone number, nor did I ever ask for one. I sat in the front of the class, being a nerd and a geek. I never got invited anywhere, I never went to the football games, I just went to school and went home. Have you ever seen Just Friends with Ryan Reynolds and Amy Smart? Yeah, that was me. I cringe every time I watch that movie, because all I can think about is that it's me that I'm watching, and I'm reminded of being shunned, being an outcast, being ridiculed, and being in love with a woman who loves me as a brother. Or so I thought.

The summer of 1997 changed all of that.

I decided that I would no longer be different in school than I was out of school. I honestly didn't want anybody to know how weird I was, but I was tired of the looks and sneers and snickers. So, I fought back.


Heh. I was thinking weird, people were thinking funny and outlandish. My Junior year was my breakout year. I started cracking jokes more often, and I finally accepted my status as a outcast, except with more charisma. But that's another story.

I was a dork. I was the dude that people either ignored outright or joked constantly. Am I bitter for it? No, not really, it made me the man that I am today, and for that I am grateful. I remember my Freshman year, there was this girl, who I thought was cute, but I didn't know how to approach her. (And her being a Senior didn't help either) So, for 12 days, I put a single rose on her desk, every morning. She didn't know who was doing it, and she would tell all of her girlfriends that morning and they would swoon and wonder who was doing it. Well, on the last day, I left a note saying it was me and that I just wanted to get to know her better. Of course, she balled the paper up and threw it and the rose in the trash.

She stared across the room at me the entire class with a look of malice. I'll never forget that look, because it reminds me that not everybody is open minded.

Coming up, I knew that I was different. I was sly, sarcastic, and witty, but nobody knew it except family. That made me cocoon myself into dork mode even more, because I didn't want to be a total social failure.

Of course, it was my fault for not believing in myself, because I was far from a social failure.

Looking back, I realize that I should've been me all the time, and I basically fronted my first 2 years of high school. At the same time, however, it WAS high school. If I could go back in time, I would tell my past self that the minute you throw that cap into the air at graduation, the past 4 years doesn't matter, not any more. High school becomes a memory, adult life is now upon you. Be yourself. if people like you (and they will eventually, you have that charm about you) that's fine. If they don't, then so be it, their loss.

Oh well. I'm of the mind now that I could care less that you "like" me or not. And that's how it's supposed to be.

But back then...

Fun Fact #27: I was a complete dork my first 2 years of high school.



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Now playing: Michael Jackson - Leave Me Alone
via FoxyTunes

3 comments:

Darius Sinclair™ said...

LMAO. .... LMAO.

Needless to say, I was a dork, as well. And my best friend's name was James too. And weirdly, he was one of the more popular kids. But I did hang with the popular kids at school. Just not after school.

And yep, Junior year changed that. After I had been DJing for a few years, I started to just grow some balls or something. lol.

She Hate Me said...

I think Junior year you just finally get into the groove of things in high school, and you finally realize what you want out of it.

I was the MAN my Senior year, though. I wasn't Prom King or nothing (mainly because I didn't go) but by that time I was well respected and liked.

We eventually grew into our roles, don't you think? LOL

Jonquil Senice said...

i came out of my geekiness in the 9th grade. that's when people thought i was cute and cool, and some thought i was even stuck-up. but sadly i didn't really come into my own and i didn't start accepting myself until very recently. i have always sort of been who everyone wanted me to be.

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