Thursday, July 26, 2007

Nia Long vs. Scarlett Johansson (Or, Black Love vs. Jungle Fever)

Ok, so that's kind of extreme. But to be real, it's kinda how I was looking at things before I met.... well, you don't need to know all of that. See last post on how I feel about her.

Anyway, if you know me, you know I've got a Nia Long crush that's been ongoing for 16+ years. However, my boy Justin (what up, Mega) alluded me to the beauty that is Scarlett Johansson about a year ago. Never mind the fact that put beside Nia Long, Scarlett looks like.... something not equal to Nia. But part of that is why I think she's so damn beautiful, because she's so... plain. Everything about her is ordinary, which makes her extraordinary.

Let me get on topic.

I work at a pretty diverse building in Downtown Norfolk (same place where FamLay is from). I've gotten to know some good people, and honestly, most of them were Caucasian women. Lust kinda attacked me for a minute, and I crushed on one (or two) of them, but it was fleeting, and by the end of that week, I was totally over it. I had a couple of other co-workers call me out on it, asking me probing questions such as:

"Are you into White Women?"

"What's wrong with dating a Sista?"

"Well, I guess you must really like White meat...."

That last question actually came from another Caucasian woman. That threw me.

I used to be to the point where if I'm out, and I saw an attractive woman, I'd comment on her, maybe even introduce myself, and in rare occasions, try to get a phone number. But, I was doing that with all women, not so much as thinking about race. Now me, I find women attractive period. Doesn't matter what color, creed, what-have-you she is, if I find you attractive, I find you attractive. I would've approached you. It's just that at that moment, I was finding more and more women who are White, beautiful.

Somebody is probably gonna attack me for this blog, but it needs to be out there.

I love my Black women, I really do. At the end of the day, I'm choosing Nia over Scarlett. When it comes down to the bottom line, however, I'll pretty much date anybody. You don't have to be Black or White or some specific "race" for me to find you date-able. Hell, you could be green with brown polka dots, if I think you've got a good personality, and you laugh at my jokes, then you're in like Flynn.

Some women have a serious problem with that, not just the fact that I would date outside of my race, but the fact that I would be so open about it. Why not? Isn't everyone deserving of love, whether black or white, male or female?

Is it really that much of an issue?

Here's my stance on that. If you are a woman, over the age of 21, I would've dated you if we had good chemistry. Period. You could've been African-American, Caucasian, Puerto Rican, Dominican, Asian, Iraqi, Canadian, Spanish, Springfieldian, Hip Hop, Rock, Country, Punk, Ska, Trip Hop, more Ford than Chevy, more motorcycle than car, walk more than talk, drama over comedy, whatever, I didn't care. You didn't have to be just African-American for me to date you. I love women, I love every aspect of women, and just because your background is different than mine, doesn't mean that I wouldn't have dated you. Sorry. My perfect woman just may be different than me in every way, and maybe that's how it's supposed to be. All I know is that I like women. Quote me on this - Fuck race. How's that, America?

P.S. This whole post, I've been speaking in past tense, as, of right now, I am exclusively dating ONE woman. And yes, she is of a different "race". She's from Guyana. How you like them apples?

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Definition of Character (Or; Is she relationship material, or have I placed her in the friend zone?)

Sorry I've been away, M.Dot.

Had a busy week.

While I was work this week, I had an interesting conversation with Vex about the descriptions that men use for women that they are currently courting or dating.

He said that the girl he went to the movies with was "sweet". I raised an eyebrow to that, asked him again if that's what he meant. He said it was. I asked him if that meant she had no chance of being in a relationship with him. He said he thought about it, but eventually, she really wasn't what he was looking for in a significant other.

A.K.A. sweet.

As if a light bulb came on in my head, I thought about all the women I thought was "sweet", and those who I called "sweet women". And yes, there is a difference.

I had a date (or two) with a beautiful woman this week, and I must admit, she's a sweet woman. She's intellectual, witty, AND, here's the kicker, she can take joke or two. Earlier this year I had a date with a woman who, while nice and cool, wasn't really my speed, so when someone asked about her, she was simply sweet. Wish I had more to say about her, but nothing really stood out about her, and I don't want to come off as if she was some immature woman who didn't know what time it was. She wasn't, she just wasn't for me. I'm quite sure she's with someone who has more to gain from her, but I couldn't get on board with what she was talking about.

Men, just like women, have ways of placing people in certain categories. While I did agree with that whole 4 stage breakdown, I thought to myself, what if my personal breakdown goes even further than that? I mean, when I start breaking it down to interpersonal relationships, acquaintances , co-workers, and the like, I get so many more than 4 categories. Right now, I'm with a woman who's in the Time Getter category, which means, I enjoy my time with her, I don't mind spending more time with her, and she has the strong odds of becoming Baby Girl. Seeing as I don't have a Wifey at the moment, Baby Girl, according to the definition, is just one step away from becoming the Wifey. And since we're just dating right now (or more, who knows, we just turned a Blockbuster night into a weekend getaway....), I'm thinking I want to explore more options with her, like introducing her to close friends.

And, as any man will tell you, being introduced to the main crew is a big thing with us. That means you don't end up within the 4-months-of-dating-and-hasn't-met-any-of-his-friends-yet category.

See, if I say a woman is sweet, she's just that, sweet. Nothing more, nothing less. So, you've got a potential friend, or at the very least, a cuddle buddy to chill with. Of course, she knows her position, and she plays it well, she never steps across the line.

On the other hand, if I say she's a sweet woman, and then I spit out a flurry of other adjectives after that, then she means something to me, and I know, at least in my head, I want it to go somewhere other than down the street where I've been before.

Who knows, maybe it's all in my head.

But next time, listen to what dudes are saying. We drop clues in every word we say (and DON'T say) about what we have, what we want, and what we expect for the future.

Just some food for thought. You do the dishes.

~She Hate Me

P.S. Just in case you were wondering, I'm that Old Flame dude, to almost every female I've come across, with the major exception of Baby Mama. And I don't have to explain that category, do I? Lucky for me, I've only got one in that column.


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