Friday, August 31, 2007
The shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
The easiest way to solve the Love Triangle is to ask the questions you wouldn't normally ask.
Or do things you wouldn't normally do.
Me and the Virgo have become what we were before three weeks ago. It pains me.
I hurt as if I lost a piece of my heart, or something worse, like my soul.
I don't want her as a friend. Harsh, I know, but the truth usually is. I want her more than that, I inhaled her very essence, I nibbled on her soul, and the nectar was so sweet. (Out of the gutter, please. Thanks.)
I'm not well versed in this. I don't know exactly what to say to someone who loves you just as much as you love them, but can't become one because of other situations. I asked her these questions. Didn't know what else to do.
I wonder if you think about me. Not all the time, but sometimes, do you think about me? What if I could be what you need me to be? Would we still be? Could we be if the time was better, would you be with me? I dream about me, about you, about us. Was it just a dream or was it just a fling? Would it be better if I gave you a ring? Was it just this one thing? Two things? Three? Just questions I ask myself, to make myself better myself.
If I let you go, would you come back to me? Or is that old adage just a old wives's tale? Or, am I asking all the wrong questions?
Here I am speaking as if it's just you and me © 'Ye.
For 3 weeks, my soul wasn't invisible. Somebody saw it, saw what I was scared to show, and fell in love with my soul. Now I don't know if anyone will ever see it again.
Have a safe Labor Day weekend y'all. See you next week.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Despite the image projected above, I'm not a player.
Nor am I J Dilla.
No disrespect to the the late, great one, but I think one girl will do for me.
Of course, as usual, Mr. I-Can't-Use-A-Regular-Bow-No-More - Have-To-Use-A-Multi-Directional-Crossbow himself, Cupid, has decided to make sure that not one, but TWO women, are totally interested in me. (No, the one in the pic is neither woman. Sorry, she was some chica I met at the bar last night.)
Most men would relish at the opportunity to have 2 women wanting him; I, however, am content with having just one. I can't deal with two women wanting your time at the same time, in the same places, doing the same things. (!)
One is a Gemini, such as myself, and she is a greedy one. (She's the Guyanese beauty I spoke about last month, pay attention! © DJ Drama) Last night, I invited Princess Daisy out with me and family to the bar for a couple of drinks and some dancing. She had to work today, so I understood when she declined. However, as I found out, she was kinda upset that I chose to go out with my fam instead of heading back to her place for.... how shall we say.... bed time. Literally. She's a homebody, and she's a sleeper, so, no hanky panky or anything like that, just some good old sleeping. She constantly wants my attention, all the time. (Trust me, I have 542 text messages this month from her that cements my statement.) I don't mind, quite honestly, I love the attention, she's a mean cook, and, she piques my interest simply because she's as sarcastic as I am. For the past month and a half, we've been kicking it, every weekend, movie dates, dinner dates, other dates... It's all been great, it's really been fun, however, there's this problem that I have....
How big, you say?
Oh, about 4'10" of a problem.
The Virgo. My best friend. Princess Peach. She's incredible. She's also just as greedy as the Gemini above. Always wants my attention, and I don't mind giving it, not one bit. Love being around her. The calm to my always moving storm. Whenever I feel like life is pulling me in different directions, she has the innate ability to get me to focus, especially on her. I've been around her for 6 years, on and off, but this year we really became close, speaking everyday. EVERYDAY. Exactly 2 weeks ago, we shared our first kiss. And our second. And out thi...... you get the point. It just felt..... RIGHT. I know I'm playing into the "All men are dogs" stereotype by dating one girl and falling in love with another, but me and the Gemini are doing just that - dating. We aren't together, and she talks to other men. Now, I'm not going to go into detail about the Virgo; same as last post, it's a complicated situation. I can say, however, that if she wasn't going through what she was going through, we would've been together for about.... two weeks now.
This post was supposed to be done earlier. But I ended up going out with the Virgo, and we had a blast, me, her, her son, and her best friend/sister. Of course, I finally told her sister that I had feelings for her best friend, and she cheered me on.
At the exact time that was going on, I received a phone call from the Gemini. She wanted to know when the next time we could spend some time together. I told her I would get back to her as soon as I can. At this point, I don't know what to say or do to either of them.
This just keeps getting better and better.
To be continued.....
Monday, August 13, 2007
I was thisclose.
I had the most interesting happened to me in the past week.
I found my voice.
And I told her the truth.
And my truth was a mirror image of her truth, she felt the same way I did.
She told me that she loved me. And I told her that I loved her.
And all was right in the world.
But of course, Cupid is a funny motherfucker. He invents this stupid ass rule that if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.
So, I let her go.
Too many variables to explain here, but to be blunt, I was too late.
Mind you, I still have her heart. But with what she's going through, I don't want to cloud her mind, she's got different things she needs to concentrate on. With school, her home situation, and things of the like, me entering her life as more than a friend is a little much for her.
And I respect that. But I don't like it.
I think I've gone half crazy.
It's bad, because I want to cry, I need to cry, I should be crying, but damn, I'm so not crying right now.
It hurts when the one you love is so close that you can almost reach out, and hold tight to what you want, only to know that even if you two get together, everything is working against you.
I feel robbed, almost violated, on a level I haven't been touched at in years.
How many of you can honestly say you've fallen in love with your best friend, only to realize one of two things; that either your love is forbidden, or that your love was doomed from the start?
For the second time in my life, I've felt the pain of a person who isn't real. First, it was Percival from Idlewild. Now, finally, after 20+ years, Mario, I can feel your pain.
Love stinks. Love sucks. Love kills slowly. Love is a battlefield.
And I still want it.