Monday, August 13, 2007

Let It Go (Or, It's better to have loved and lost, than to yada, yada, yada...)


I was thisclose.



I had the most interesting happened to me in the past week.


I found my voice.



And I told her the truth.


And my truth was a mirror image of her truth, she felt the same way I did.


She told me that she loved me. And I told her that I loved her.



And all was right in the world.



But of course, Cupid is a funny motherfucker. He invents this stupid ass rule that if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was.



So, I let her go.




Too many variables to explain here, but to be blunt, I was too late.


Mind you, I still have her heart. But with what she's going through, I don't want to cloud her mind, she's got different things she needs to concentrate on. With school, her home situation, and things of the like, me entering her life as more than a friend is a little much for her.

And I respect that. But I don't like it.


I think I've gone half crazy.



It's bad, because I want to cry, I need to cry, I should be crying, but damn, I'm so not crying right now.


It hurts when the one you love is so close that you can almost reach out, and hold tight to what you want, only to know that even if you two get together, everything is working against you.


I feel robbed, almost violated, on a level I haven't been touched at in years.

How many of you can honestly say you've fallen in love with your best friend, only to realize one of two things; that either your love is forbidden, or that your love was doomed from the start?



For the second time in my life, I've felt the pain of a person who isn't real. First, it was Percival from Idlewild. Now, finally, after 20+ years, Mario, I can feel your pain.


Love stinks. Love sucks. Love kills slowly. Love is a battlefield.







And I still want it.

6 comments:

HisFaerie said...

You have this way with that no one else seems that they are capable of... My heart hurts more than you will ever know. You are correct that cupid is a muthaF (shut your mouth) but, it was not in vain to say the least. She loves you more than you will ever realize. And while the time may not be now. Unlike Mario, Your princess is NOT in another castle. She is right here.

M.Dot. said...

Oh 'daaaaling.

Love is overrated.

But it shooolll feel good.

IM me if you wanna chop it.

I got some fine words on the subject.

Betcha $5 I can make you laugh.

neo said...

Man its like us dudes seem to be going through things in these past couple of weeks..

I feel your pain bro..I can only empathize..its tough..it sucks..and its just tepid (if that's a good use of the term here). I'm still licking my wounds, healing however, but licking em no less...

what I will say to you is what my ppl told me when my ex broke up with me years back..time heals all wounds..give it time..you might even have to keep some distance from ol' girl 'cos trying to get close to her only makes it worse..

Darius Sinclair™ said...

'Love Is A Battlefield'

Damn. That sounds like some Maya Angelou.

I like love. It's better than drugs. And if you overdose, there's no rehab. Just somes f*ed up voicemails and busted windows...

M.Dot probably ALREADY did make you laugh. So I'll leave with that... Oh, and this:

50 DID lose.

J Morgetron said...

Oh shit! You have so nailed the fickle nature of looooove. WHAT a post! This makes me happy that I'm married. But then again -- what a rush new love can be.

-J

Chi$m said...

3 years later and your words are still potent. I digg. ran into your blog via smokin section comment..lol..mario never did "really" have her....so..what can we expect?

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