Wednesday, May 7, 2008
It was 1998.
I was 17. I remember being excited about my final year of high school. Getting ready to go to college. Goofing off in all my classes, because, at that point, the only 2 classes I needed to graduate, I took over the summer. September 8th was the day Mark McGwire (remember him?) hit his 62nd home run. The first day of my last year of school. I remember walking to the bus stop, talking to my close friend at his house...
...and meeting one of the most beautiful women I had ever set eyes on (yes, even more so than Nia Long, which, at the time for me, was impossible).
The Capricorn was 2 years my junior. About 5'5" at the time, medium length hair, beautiful smile. Caramel colored. When she spoke, it was... breathtaking. (Mind you, I was 17. This is what I was thinking when I was 17. My hormones were out of control, so the next light skinned girl that walked past me could've gotten damn near the same description...but I'm not taking anything away from The Capricorn... again, I was 17...) We said hello. And from that moment on, she was by my side. We ended up as friends, then best friends. On December 16th, we shared our first kiss, it was bound to happen, we spent every moment we could together. What got scary was, although there were more girls at my high school then who could've caught my eye (and even some who attempted to), I was focused on her. We stayed friends, didn't kiss anymore, just became closer. Well, in April of 1999, we tried to have a relationship. I asked her to prom, our parents got used to seeing us together, we were just a typical couple. But then, all of a sudden, it stopped. A week after we finally put a title to what we were doing (and no, we were not having sex) we decided that we didn't need that title, or the pressure that went along with it.
At first, I was upset. I mean, the one person who I spent all my time with, I couldn't spend another minute with her without wanting to hug her or kiss her. It was painful. Long story short (too late, I know) she moved on, and so did I.
Although we remain friends now, even to this day, we don't really seem to be as close as we were during those days. We talked earlier this week, and she told me about her ex, someone she was very close with, and how much she loved him and how much she loves him still. She misses him. And I didn't know how to process that information. Even though what we had was over 8 years ago, I still felt something there, you know? Kinda like throwing a balled up piece of paper at someone. I felt a twinge, like all of this rushed right back at me.
The Virgo asked me a while back if The Capricorn called me and told me that she wanted to get back together would I do it. I didn't answer her right away. I thought about it. All of those good feelings came back... and then I thought about how I feel about her now. I love her, I always will, she knows this. But our time, however brief, has already passed. I couldn't risk our friendship for a relationship, no matter how sweet the payoff may be. That's a hell of a gamble to take, you know?
Just reminiscing, that's all.
Things fall apart. Sometimes, it's best to leave those things that way.