Monday, December 22, 2008

Friday, December 19, 2008

Questions from the heart... (Or, Side B)

Here's to hoping this place puts you at ease
Say what? Why is it always you I have to please?
Yes I'm ok, I didn't want to fight
Hey, you got a light? *sigh* I started last night
While you on the phone away and out of sight
And I chose here cause I wanted a beer, alright?
Oh yes, you better believe I'm mad
You want me to stop scowling at you? Guess what? Too bad
I am stressed, depressed, it is a mess, I've been had
But now I know your a liar and for that I am glad
We're way past cool, right now my heart is cold
And stop all that crying, it's getting kinda old
You ARE a fool, I'm happy you see that
Really? I permit it? Is that a fact?
Get what? That all of this is just an act?
"Butterflies in the stomach?" Just an attempt to distract
Hurry up, I don't want to be seen together
Yeah, I remember you talking about forever
What do you mean, SOMEWHAT? I'll start if I want
You saying this to me, what is this, a taunt?
Yeah, I slapped you, yeah, you deserved it
And because the beer was in my hand, yeah you heard it
And just to get you completely out of my hair
I guess you should know that the space has always been there
Since I met my new friend, really I gotta go
It's like you want me to say yes, but my friend is a big no-
Hello? Yeah, I'm done, I'm on the way
Look, I got to go, can we finish another day?
Because I need to go somewhere quickly
No, I'm not going to see them- I'm blushing because strictly
It's none of your business, and stay out my mind
I'm not letting you back in, you won't break me this time
I never got a STD, and you never beat me
We're not breaking up because of how you treat me
There is no new friend, and this next line is true
To answer, maybe because I never loved you

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Questions from the heart... (Or, Side A)

I'm really foreign in this situation
Wait, I mean I'm not familiar with this time and place and
Are you ok? Why did you pick here?
When did you start smoking, and what's up with that beer?
And what's up with that look? I just asked a question
Now you scowling at me, breathing like you stressed and
Sighing like you're depressed and this is just a mess and
Okay, so I lied, but I swear it was for the best and
Now we're at a point where everything isn't cool
Locked me out your heart, have me crying like I'm a fool
OK, so I'm a fool, big deal, I admit it
We argue like crazy and it's only cause you permit it
Get it? There are things you don't really recognize
Just talking about it gives me the bad case of butterflies
I'm so nervous around you, stammering and stuttering
I keep fidgeting and moving, my eyelids are fluttering
Let me start from somewhere, the lies were... mine
Wait, don't get upset, you remember that time
When I told you I love you with all my heart
As long as we're together, even when we're apart?
Well, I still love you, somewhat, hey, don't start
I'm telling you the truth, I'm not playing a part
It's just that my heart is no longer in it to win it
And it seems to me yours has been gone for a minute
OK, that was a tongue trap, and I deserve the slap
But did you really have to pour that beer in my lap?
I've been a good person, I don't deserve this crap
I'm putting space between us bigger than a gap-
Wait, what? The space has been there? Since when?
Oh no, forget that, tell me more about this 'friend'
Is that the reason our relationship can't mend-
Now you answer your phone, this is about to end
I'm sick of all the put-offs, end of discussion
Why should I answer that? And why are you rushing?
Going to see them? NO? So why are you blushing?
Heart is beating faster than a drum band's percussion
I can't believe we're doing this, this is ridiculous
You're acting as if I beat you or gave you Syphilis
Just one more question, and then I'm through
Do you ever wonder why I stopped loving you?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I, Omar... er, pap? (Or, Paper Mario)

Remember this?

If somebody would've told me a year ago things would be like this, I would've laughed till my sides hurt and tears exploded from my eyes...

And then laughed some more.

Of course, hindsight is 20/20, so right now, I'm not laughing. This isn't a laughing matter.

I miss her.

Then again, it isn't really her that I miss. It's what she represented.

I think I finally figured out why I was so enamored with her. Of course, I always knew what it was, even my brother (in the first 30 seconds of me meeting her) knew what the initial attraction was.

His advice?

"Leave the past behind, O. Don't do it to yourself."

Of course, that was back when I was hardheaded. Didn't learn, so of course, I did it anyway, I went after the past, chased it down like it owed me money. And since the past is 6'7" 320 of solid, Donkey Kong muscle, it beat me down like.... well... Donkey Kong.

But even if I had DK as my bodyguard, I still would've got hit.


I think my brain hates me.

Tonight, out of the blue, I'm thinking about her again. But not The Virgo, not this time.

I'm thinking about The Leo. Never once have I called her that, I always used her other name I gave her.

You know the one.

Yeah, that one.


She used to be my Jazzy Belle.

My autophobia is kicking in again.

This is probably one of my worst (or best, depending on how you look at it) posts I've ever done, simply because I'm just putting myself out there, I'm not doing any editing or taking out, pure soul coming through here.

I do miss The Virgo, though. More for who she was, more importantly, who she was to me, than for what my initial impression of her was (which was the fact that she looked like the mother of my child). While she was in the dark about my first impression of her until I typed this, I'm guessing now if she reads this, it'll shed some light on some things.

She's long gone. Both of them. The Leo and The Virgo. Different circumstances, same result. I wasn't enough for The Leo, and I was too much for The Virgo.

Of course, the common denominator in all of this is me.

I lied.

I went back on promises.

I did the unthinkable.

I simply wasn't there.

And through all of this, I realized that as much as I write, as much as I run, I can't escape the fact that I do care.

Yes, I still care. I still love. Those feelings, they were genuine, so they never left.

But it's funny.

Those feelings diminish every single day. And I wonder to myself, will they completely fade away one day? And if/when they do fade away, will it be my fault, or theirs?

Yes, our breakups and ended friendships/relationships can be squarely placed on my shoulders. I'll take all that responsibility and I won't point fingers unless it's in my direction. But somewhere along the line, I've gotta think to myself, would these things still happen if I wasn't who I was? If I were someone else, if I did some things differently, would our breakups be different, too? Or would I have never experienced such pain?

I feel like Mario again, only this time, you can only view me in 2 dimensions, the first spark of something will cause me to catch fire, and I'm really easy to see through. I am a Paper Mario, one who is around to only save the princess. The problem comes in when Mario is the one who needs saving, not the princess.

So, who'll save Mario?


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