Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Day 237 (Fudge Brownie)
All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible. - T. E. Lawrence
Me: I think for me, it's not about being a author. It's about being heard. That's why my blog is named the way it is.
Her: That's deep. If nothing else, we have that in common.
Me: Yeah, we do... why do we have SO much in common?
Her: I dunno. Most people would go with the cliche' that "Maybe it's just meant to be"
Me: NO. It's deeper than that.
Her: *rolls eyes*
Me: Why are you rolling your eyes? It is. I believe that. I do. It HAS to be something deeper than just "it's meant to be". That's a cop out.
Her: Why does it have to be deeper than that? You don't think there are MILLIONS of others in the world, male and female respectively, who like the SAME things that we like?
Me: Yes, I do believe that. At the same time, come on. How many people find out they like the same things... like 90% of the same things? That's uncanny.
Her: Are you serious... MANY people like a LOT of the same things. Just means they have good taste. JUST now I am proving my point. I picked a random friend of mine to ask him does he like certain things. ALL of those things are things YOU and ME like... he likes them too...so does that mean me and him are meant to be??? NO.
Me: No, it doesn't. You're right. I don't have a counterpoint.
This was a conversation that me and Serendipity were having the other morning. What's bad is, I actually had a counterpoint. But I just didn't have the words to say it. It took me 7 days of thinking about it to actually say what I was supposed to say that morning. (Well, isn't this familiar? At least this time, I only wait 7 days instead of multiple years... go figure.)
Serendipity and I have a lot in common... from food to recreation to hobbies. I was saying to her that I found it uncanny that a person that I met when I was younger could be this... parallel to me later in life.
What I DIDN'T say, however, and what I should've said, is that in addition to us having that much in common, we have a magnetism towards each other. It's there: I feel it, she feels it. No matter how far apart we seem to be, we end up right back in each others face. That's undeniable.
Somewhere, deep in my heart, I feel like that magnetism is what is our major draw and why no matter what we go through (marriage, other relationships, years apart, etc.) we pick up RIGHT where we left off before. She's special to me, more special than anyone I've ever encountered.
We've been texting back and forth all day today; sending messages of laughter and love, and just enjoying each other. I haven't had that in almost 8 years. I was looking forward to my phone buzzing with a new text or chiming with a new email. My goodness, she just brings the biggest smile to my face whenever I think about her. I hadn't stopped smiling since 9 AM when I got her good morning text. My face hurts.
There was a moment (more like a couple of days) that I was scared of losing her. But she let me know today that even with what we have gone through, I am still dear to her and that she loves me.
That just really put a smile in my heart.
It's not a relationship thing with us; what we have cannot be defined by such simple terms. I don't even think I want to box us in by trying to pursue and label what we are; I'm comfortable with us just BEING. Of course, she might feel different, but... we're too cool for titles. We just ARE.
I guess all I'm trying to say is that I love her.
Mainly, I love her because I see myself in her. She understands me more than anyone else I know that isn't close family. She believes IN me, and that means so much to me. I want to take her all in, inhale who she is, or who she'll become, and get lost in it. I love her enough to embrace who she is, whether in a relationship or not. I even thought about changing the name of my blog.
Because in her eyes, I am no longer invisible. She hears me. She listens to my heart.
I love her enough to know I couldn't possibly love anyone else this much (that isn't my child). Not now, not ever.
So, if you're reading this, Serendipity, know that someone out here loves you to death. And that person is me.
No matter what we go through, I will always be there for you, just like you have always been there for me.
Love always, Mr. You Know Who.
P.S. Serendipity is the name of The Muse in Kevin Smith's Dogma. So yes, I am talking about my muse. And no, you STILL won't figure out who she is, unless she directs me to say as much. I love you too, dear readers. *wink*
Now playing: Jay Dee - So Far So Good (featuring Common & D'Angelo)