Sunday, August 2, 2009
Day 213 (Rocky Road)
“The road of life is rocky and you may stumble too. So while you point your fingers, someone else is judging you.” - Bob Marley
Rocky Road is a pretty good ice cream. Chocolate ice cream, marshmallows, and the Coup de Grâce, nuts.
It mirrors my life right now.
I didn't get into it too much yesterday, and I won't do it today, either. I said I wouldn't blog about it, and I won't. But I do have some things to say, things I need to get off my chest.
First, the Chocolate Ice Cream.
Friday, July 31st, I spent the first part of the day trying to help my brother out with his wife's flat tire. During the day, I was feeling nice because I was getting attention from... well... we can call her Julianne Moore. (Don't think too hard, you'll never get it, unless you are her, which in that case, thanks for reading) Anyway, she was texting me and it made me feel wanted. Loved, even. So, around 4, I had to go to my Family Reunion's meet and greet, seeing as my FR was this weekend.
While there, me and Julianne Moore started our witty banter back and forth, until someone (I can't remember if it was me or her) threw down a gauntlet. Actually, I do remember, it was her, because I remember smiling at the fact that I love for people to dare me, just so I can prove them wrong. Anyway, moving on, I decided to follow though with what the challenge was. After some maneuvering and shifting, I got to where I wanted to be, where I thought I needed to be. That whole process getting there was hard work, yet it was very sweet. Hence, the chocolate ice cream. Next...
I can still see it clearly. The low light was a bit disconcerting, but I still smiled at what I saw. Soft. Sticky when warm. Marshmallows. But you can't have rocky road ice cream without...
I dropped the ball. I fumbled. I messed up. No amount of words from anyone else will make me think otherwise. 2 days later, things are still off balance. I can't think straight. I'm snappy, tense, depressed. I lost someone dear to me because of my stupidity. She says I didn't lose her, but the dynamic of our energy we had has changed. For better? Less than likely. For worse? I'd put my money on that.
On the road of life, there are hurdles. Hurdles that you have to jump over. No matter how many hurdles you jump, there is another hurdle less than 9.14 meters away. I'm jumping a hurdle right now. She has just chewed my ass out. She will never forgive me. I will never forgive myself. I can't escape this, it'll haunt me forever. I can't even finish this, the tears are hot and they are dripping on the keyboard.
Rocky Road, indeed.
Now playing: Eminem - When Im Gone