Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. - John Barrymore
*Note: I know Ice Cream Cake isn't a flavor per se, but just ride with me, ok? It pays off in the end. Thanks. ~She Hate Me
The cell phone buzzes.
I crack my eyes open ever so slightly. It's 3:07 in the morning. Who is sending me a text at 3:07 in the morning?
I roll over to look at my phone, but it's not on the dresser. All of a sudden, I see the light come up on the screen in the dark. My beautiful wife has answered the text. I roll back over, half asleep, half mumbling.
"Who is it?"
I get no response. I settle into the pillow even more. Work at 8AM, so I have to be up at 6. No need to waste this last 3 hours of bliss-
Cold water splashes on my head. I am now wide awake, soaking wet, and looking bewildered.
"What the hell-"
"Do you mind telling me why you got somebody texting this phone talking about 'Where is my big daddy? I need him to come through and give me some of that GOOD loving.'"
I sit up, and shake the excess water off of me. "Wait, what the hell are you talking about?"
"Don't you "What the hell are you talking about?' me! I asked you, who the hell is this?"
I stand up. Water cascades down the front of my boxers. I hold my hand out for the phone. "Let me see the phone, Nicole." She throws the phone at me, and my reflexes are still asleep, so I drop the phone on the floor. I pick it up and read:
Hey, sexy! Where are you? I miss my big daddy, when you coming back to give me some good loving? Call me!
I look at the number. "Nicky, baby, I don't know who's number this is. This isn't for me."
She fires at me. "That's bullshit and you know it. Who else is gonna call you big daddy, huh Shawn? I know how much you like to be called big daddy by me, so why not some other little floozy?"
I'm racking my brain at this moment, trying to figure out who number this is. I've never cheated on my wife, nor have I ever given my number out so some other woman who wasn't dealing with business. "Nicole, honey, this is a 336 number. That's down in NC. I haven't been down there since college. That was 6 years ago."
"Uh huh, but you do deal with people in Charlotte, right? Who says they can't make a trip up here to Virginia Beach, huh?"
"Nicole, you're tripping. Call the number back, ask who she's looking for. I can pretty much guarantee it isn't me."
Nicole sucks her teeth. She hits redial on the phone and places the phone on speaker. "Yeah, we about to see..."
The person on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
"Um, yes, you texted this number looking for Shawn?"
"Shawn? I don't know no Shawn. And I didn't text this number."
"Listen, honey, you just texted this number looking for your missing 'big daddy' and wanted to know when he was coming to give you some good loving."
"Wait, I wasn't supposed to text this number. I was texting a different number. My apologies."
Nicole sucks her teeth again. "Yeah, your apologies alright. Don't text my husband again, tramp."
"OH HELL NO! How you gonna call me a tramp? I said I was sorry for texting your funky ass husband, what more do you want? You Virginia women stay tripping!"
"HEY, you're not gonna talk about MY husband like that! I will come find you and wipe the floor with your skank-"
"You ain't got to come find me, I'll come to YOU!"
"Fine! Come on over to 37521 Kempsville Road, see how much shit you talk when you get here!"
Click. The girl hangs up the phone. By this time, I'm pissed off; I'm also hurt. "So, did you find it necessary to tell this woman where we live? And I TOLD YOU, I don't know that girl! I don't be giving my damn number out!"
"Baby, I'm sorry, I got hot headed-"
"No, Nicole, you just wanted to assume what you always do; that I can't keep it in my pants for you. I'm TIRED of you always accusing me of cheating. This is the second time this week! What do I have to do, attach a GPS to my damn belt? This is getting ridiculous. I- I can't take anymore." I start to walk towards the bathroom so I can dry off, mumbling all the way. "Got me soak and wet at 3AM in the damn morning. The hell she doing answering my phone anyway? I don't go through her shit. She must be out her rabid ass mind to think I'm gonna keep putting up-"
The door beats like a bass drum. I rush out the bathroom. "Nicole you KEEP your ass up here, do you hear me?" She nods her head.
I fly downstairs; no shirt, just some boxers on. I open the door to see a woman standing there. I can't shake the feeling I've met her before. She's wearing a black cocktail dress with a slit up the side and heels. She's caramel colored, about 5'3", very well put together young woman.
She's instantly taken back by my looks. "Um, damn. Wow. I'm sorry. Um, is your wife here?"
"Listen, it's all been a big misunde-"
Nicole comes down the stairs. "Let her in Shawn."
I turn around. "I thought I told you to stay upstai- What the hell do you have on?"
My wife is standing in some black heels and a black négligée. She walks over to the woman and kisses her on the cheek. I'm floored. My mind is doing backflips, my heart is beating way too fast, and my loins are getting excited.
"Shawn this is my friend from North Carolina, Ebony. You met her before, remember?" It starts coming back to me.
"That party we had here last year?!?"
Nicole smiles at me. "Remember I told you before we got married that one of my fantasies was to be with a friend of mine and my husband?" I nod my head excitedly. "Well, she's my friend, you're my husband, you already have your cake, and I think it's time for you to eat it as well."
I'm still standing in shock. "And her?"
Ebony closes the door and grabs my member. "I'm the icing on top."
Looks like I won't be going to work after all.
Now playing: Usher - Can U Handle It?