Thoughts: I've had the craziest week possible.
And it's only Wednesday.
My favorite Enigma came home on Sunday. I missed her, and she's only been gone for 3 weeks. We decided to go bowling Monday night. Me, her, my brother and his wife played 3 games of bowling. When we first got there, we went to do shoe rental and pay for the games. In front of us, there was a handsome little boy standing in front of me. He turned and looked at me and I knew who it was immediately. He was a bit confused, he hadn't seen me in almost a year, but he had this feeling that he knew who it was. He walked off with the person he was with and we started to bowl.
Well, of course, life is funny. Sometimes, things happen that are totally out of your control, and the only thing you can do is ride it out. As we're bowling, I look up front and see...
To borrow from Chuck Ham, well, isn't this awkward.
I saw her first, she didn't see me. I decided to play cool, fall back, not announce my presence. But of course, me and my family, we stick out like sore thumbs. After about 15 minutes, she sees me, and comes running over, arms open wide, smiling all the way.
To me, it looks as if she's coming with a pair of scissors to cut open a wound I had closed at the close of last year.
She hugs me, but I'm hesitant to return the hug. Her greeting was sincere, my greeting was unsure. Her face was warm and ready to jump back into the dance, my face told her that my feet hurt from dancing with her for too long.
She immediately reads me; she knows how I am, and all the warmth disappears from her body. She turns and greets my brother and sister. I want to introduce her to my Enigma, but instead, I shrug it off. She goes back and gets her son so he can speak. I speak softly, I don't even think he heard me.
Apparently, she got the picture, and she went back with her bowling party. My Enigma simply smiles at me, comes and hugs me, rubs my back. She, with her female prowess, knows who that was without me having to tell her (also with a little help from my sister), and she doesn't even ask. She simply holds my hand and lets me know it's my turn to bowl.
That next day, I thought about my actions the night before. I wonder if I was too cold to her. I hadn't see her in almost a year, and our separation wasn't what I would call amicable.
Then I thought about everything that we went through. And I decided that I was kinda justified in my actions.
No matter if I was wrong or right, she still could've called. She still could've let me know she was mad at me, instead of acting as if I never existed. With that act, it let me know what to do the next time we were to meet.
And that happened Monday. And I simply mirrored her actions from the months beforehand.
Do I love her? Somewhere in my heart, I guess I do. It'll always be there, and I'll never forget her, no matter how hard I may try.
But I've settled my tab. I've paid my dues. I let her go.
And this time, I broke the rearview mirror. No looking back. Just moving forward.
Now playing: Foreign Exchange - Daykeeper