Friday, March 27, 2009

Day 85

I was going to write tonight.

But suddenly, I don't really feel like it.

It's as if I'm getting left behind by everybody, and no matter how fast I run, how hard I pedal, or how much gas I give the car, I'm stuck going nowhere.

I feel like Good Luck Chuck, only instead of being in a horrible vehicle starring Dane Cook and Jessica Alba that's taking their careers down the drain, I'm actually living out my life. And in this life, it seems that every person I meet has like this... this situation. And I come along, and I give out my little 2 cents of bullshit and they move on... to better things. It's like, as soon as I meet someone in their current fucked up situation, their situation AUTOMATICALLY gets better.

Ugh, that's not it either.

I don't know how I feel right now. Seriously, it's like I want to sleep for like 4 and a half days, wake up, and become a walking hermit. I want to do what Forrest Gump did after Jenny declined his marriage proposal:

Run.

I don't know where I would go, I don't know what I would do, but I do know that I would run. Would I feel better? Who knows. It's just that right now, I have a lot of questions.

And they aren't being answered.

Because the questions are about me.

And I don't know if I'm strong enough to answer them.

2 comments:

Jazz said...

The problem with running is, you leave the issues in the wind, but when you stop the wind blows your way again,best just to stand until you get understanding.

Dioracat said...

You will feel this way. You will feel this way often. But you'll get over it. As Trent Reznor once said, "The way out is through". Running away from yourself and acceptance of yourself and who you are isn't the answer, and you know it. We talked about this. If you consider yourself a man, BE a man. If you can't bring yourself to do it for YOU, do it for your son. You need to be his example so when he has moments of self-doubt, he can look to you for inspiration and guidance.

Don't make me break out the baby powder again. You know it hurt last time.

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