Monday, March 3, 2008

The Friend Zone (Or, who am I to you, platonic, or catatonic?)

"Women keep platonic friends forever. Why? Cause you never know. They get rid of girlfriends every six months. 'What happened to Pam?' 'She think she cute.' But they keep them platonic friends forever. Why? Cause you never know. 'What happened to Carol?' 'I can't hang with her.' But they keep them platonic friends forever. WHY? Cause you never know. You know what a platonic friend is to a woman?

It's like a dick in a glass case.

In case of emergency, break open glass." - Chris Rock, Bring The Pain

So, last night, I went out for some ice cream. Yeah, some ice cream. I went with Miss Valentine. Cold Stone is like maybe 7 minutes from where I live. We arrived there at around 9:15PM. We stayed until closing. Laughing. Talking. Joking. Enjoying each other's company. So much, in fact, we came back and talked in the parking lot for 4 more hours after that.

Somewhere during the conversation, she asked me would I still introduce her to my close friends, even if we were to just become good friends, not really going any further than that. I knew what that meant, I've heard this line of questioning before.

Somewhere, I have made the wrong turn. I was supposed to make that left at Albuquerque. Instead, I have ended up in the Friend Zone. And you know, once you're there, it's damn near impossible to get out.

The differences between the "one-ladder" ranking system of men and the "two-ladder" ranking system of women, in Ladder Theory, often lead to mutual misunderstanding, the most egregious example of which is held by LT to be the so-called "nice guy" approach. In this model, a man attempts to increase his appeal to a woman by demonstrating the qualities she has indicated that she values in another person (stereotypically, these are positive "friendship" qualities such as patience, kindness, helpfulness and consolation). To the male, this is perceived as simply increasing his overall appeal on the single ladder; for the female, however, such behaviour increases the man's rank on the "Friendship" ladder while simultaneously decreasing it on the "Partner" ladder, due to the perceived disparity in criteria between the ladders. - Ladder Theory explained

Yeah, so, at first, that's what ran through my mind, because it's been happening all my life. I meet girl. I talk to girl. Girl sees me as friendship material, or worse, her "big brother". I resume my stay here at The Friend Zone Inn.

In high school, I received all types of advice. "Don't be so nice." "Dude, you're there for her too much. fall back." "She's using you for the 80% she can't get from her 20% guy. Just leave her alone." I tried it all. Most times, I ended up losing a good friend because I honestly didn't want her as a friend, well, not in the beginning.

And even recently, look what happened with The Virgo. Yeah, so, I already knew where it was headed, and I was looking for a way out.

Miss Valentine wasn't having any of that.

She calmly explained to me that it was just a question, she had no intentions of making me stay in the Friend Zone, she didn't even want me to drive by it. She just wanted to see where my head was, and where exactly did I want this thing of ours to go. So, I'm not in the Friend Zone with her. (Not yet.)

But I am a platonic friend.

And that scares me more than being in the Friend Zone.

Chris had a good point. Once the dude that she decides she's gonna be with messes up, who the first guy she's gonna run to? Me. It's happened before. Not saying that I flat out had sex with them, but I was there for a couple of lonely nights, some lonely weekends.

I don't want that to happen to her. I don't want to be her "second choice". You know what I'm talking about. I don't want to end up as the "Plan B" guy because "Plan A" was a jackass. She shouldn't have to settle to be with me, I should rise to her expectations to make her make me "Plan A", right? Right?

Isn't that what every guy is supposed to do?

Catatonic patients will sometimes hold rigid poses for hours and will ignore any external stimuli. - Possible effects of Catatonia

The question that I have now is, do I want to be that dude that waits forever for the impossible to happen? I mean, I'm not rushing her. I just.... I'm at the point now where I know what I want out of a potential mate. Do I ignore every woman who I have a conversation with? Every woman who is mentally attractive, I let walk away? Do I.....


I wonder where I am on the chart with her. I wonder if she'll tell me.

I wonder if I'm just a vegetable or a dick in a glass case.

Either way, I'm still here. I'm still in the Friend Zone.

And there's no way out.


Darius Sinclair™ said...

It's kinda hard to give advice on this right here because I don't know this female. But knowing you, you'll be fine in the friend zone. If you wanted her as your woman, you and her would've made that arragement, and had her pull a "Flashing Lights" on here dude. hahahahaha

But real talk, just be her friend. I'm sure she's a 8,9, or 10. So take her to the club with you, and have her help you. Women like it when you hang with other beautiful women, makes you seem secure. Trust me.

Soulful Jenn said...

This post brought me down just because you speak truth. Women seem to be attracted to boys who won't fulfill her as a complete woman and then we complain. But then what we want as an ideal companion we've stopped talking to, ignored, or just didn't even pay attention to. This sucks. LOL.

P.S. I just remembered I was going to read more like I said in MY FIRST COMMENT so yeah. I'm commenting all over this BIA!:)


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