Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Day 313

Things I've Learned In 2009

#5. I found out the reason why I'm single.

Before I begin, let me say this. This is in no way firing at every single female in world. I have yet to meet you. You have yet to befriend me. I have yet to talk to you. You have yet to lie to me. I have yet to give you my all. You have yet to disappoint me.

With that being said, let's begin.

My Ladybug tells me that I'm worth every dollar and cent spent.
My Poetess tells me that I'm dreamy.
Dimples tells me that I'm patient enough to wait for a good thing to come along.
My Sugar Momma tells me that I'm loved, every day, whether I know it or not.
My Mistress tells me that I'm a genius; that leadership is sexy, brains are sexy, therefore, I am sexy.
Chesty McSparkles (her name, not mine) tells me that I'm damn near incredible.
My Best Friend says that I'm awesome and someone one day will realize that.
Serendipity says that I'm a very good man.
My Sister says I'm one of the best single men left.

The problem comes in where these women are telling me things that I SHOULD already know. However, I'm dense. I can't get past that people are actually saying this about me.

I'm single because I have a self-esteem issue.

My self-esteem issue is the reason why I settle for those who can't afford me.

I settle because I don't know my own self-worth.

Well, I didn't. Until about a week and a half ago.

I love me enough to know that you don't (and won't) love me enough. Ever.

And you know what? That's OK. I had to come to grips about that.

I'm worth a hell of a lot. And one day, some woman will come along and hold up the receipt and let me know that she was willing to pay to have me. Until that day?

I sit in the glass case of my emotions and thoughts, waiting on someone who has enough to pay the price on my tag.

#5. I found out the reason why I'm single. Nobody worth having thinks I'm worth having. Yet.


RoByn LaTice said...

I definitely feel you on this.

She Hate Me said...

Thank you, Robyn.

It's good to know somebody else understands where I'm coming from.

ButtaFli said...

If ur able to write this...ur process has begun. I hope the journey is good for u. There are a lot of things u said that I can identify with also...considering I am on the same journey.

Anonymous said...

I definitely feel you on this. It's a powerful sentiment. I am at a crossroad of my emotions right now and reading your blog is like soul food.

You have logic and statistics down pat, you have laid the facts bare for us to see in this blog entry. Yet there is also hope and wonder threaded in the bittersweet written words.

She Hate Me said...

ButtaFli: Thank you. I will take your hope and use it well.

Anon: I hope that I can feed your soul with good, healthy food.

E's said...

Well put bruh. Very open...I'm sure it's empowering just opening up like that.


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