Day 362 (Music Monday)

Things I Learned In 2009 #7: iTunes Shuffle hates my logic and embraces my emotions.

Let me explain.


So, on Twitter, Mondays are reserved for music, hence the hashtag #MusicMonday. Usually on Monday while I answer emails and silly questions (Her: Email me a copy of this email, please? Me: Um, I just did. In that very email.), I put my iTunes on random and let my near 40,000 songs go crazy.

Well, a couple of Mondays ago, I listened to a lot of stuff, from Korn to Tricky to the Seatbelts, even some Slum Village... but then it got kinda weird.

iTunes was trying to stab me in the heart.

Mayer Hawthorne. Portishead. Little Dragon. Corinne Bailey Rae. Röyksopp. Sia. Then towards the end of the day, it kicked me. Hard.

Adele came on.

And I wanted to throw my laptop out the window.

I have an unresolved issue with someone that I need to clear up in 3 days. I will not carry this bad memory into next year with me. I refuse to. At the same time, this person is going through their own emotional roller coaster, so part of me is saying it'll be selfish to add this to the list of problems they have, let it go; obviously they have, why not you?

The other part of me is screaming 'Does it matter?'

Logically, it doesn't matter. We haven't had a real conversation in almost 3 months. Logically, it's already dead and gone; nothing to answer, nothing to say. Logically, I'm the only person trying to save a friendship that's long gone. Logically, I need to just walk away.

However, music affects my emotions. Heavily. Has been doing so since 1988. Possibly earlier. So, when Adele's 'Melt My Heart To Stone' came on, logically, I was thinking in work mode.

But emotionally, I was cracking up. And I don't mean laughing.

Emotionally, I still want 2 questions of mine answered. Emotionally, I need closure. What's worse is, emotionally, if I don't get it, I'll do some foolishness.

With no logic involved.


But of course, this was all in my head (and in my ears). My heart has shed that old skin and moved forward to greener pastures. The minute Mos Def popped up in my mix, I was back to nodding my head and tapping my desk.

Why wait until 2010 to make a resolution that I can resolve now?

I refuse to let people make me their personal mood ring anymore. Your attitude and emotions will not affect my color. I've been through enough; no need to drag my heart through any more.

Music, though?

Yeah, music will still tug my heart strings.

Things I Learned In 2009 #7: iTunes Shuffle hates my logic and embraces my emotions.
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Now playing: The Seatbelts - Memory
via FoxyTunes