Day 263 (Awkward)

I remember the last time I saw her.


It was February of 2008. We went to Red Robin to talk about why we shouldn't date anymore.


Well, that was coming from my end. She still wanted to date me.


We were incompatible at best, plain wrong for each other at worst. She was a homebody, a non-book reader, didn't like ANY music, could care less about current events (worldly or pop), very reserved, almost shy.

I was the complete opposite.

So, that night, I wanted to tell her that while I think she's a good person (she was), I just don't think we mesh well enough to date. I'm too extroverted. I read a lot. I'm up on the news and up on pop culture. I love music. It just wouldn't work for us.

She caused a scene; first trying to beg and plead with me to work things out (as if we were already in a relationship) and then resorted to calling me all types of names, said I was out to "have sex with her" (mind you, I only HUGGED the woman, never even tried to kiss her, so sex was the furthest thing from my mind) and that I was racist.

That's right, she said I was racist. Because she's Caucasian. She said that she thought I was just trying to be seen as different because I was a black man dating a white woman.


Sad that she felt that way.


I started dating her because I thought she was interesting. You know how sometimes quiet people have that "thing" about them? Well, she did. And being the inquisitive person I am, I had to find out what that "thing" was. It didn't have anything to do with race; I love women, period.


Flash forward to 19 months later.


I was running errands today and I needed to make a quick stop. As I was in the store, I felt a couple of eyes on me. I turn and look, and it's her. She comes sauntering down the isle, trying to blink her eyes in some sort of seductive way; honestly, it looked like she got some dust in them. She looked different, hair went from chestnut red to dirty blond. She had shoulder length hair when I met her; now, she had the Kate Gosselin cut. It really didn't suit her round face. She lost some weight; I noticed that immediately. Not that she looked completely bad, but she didn't need to lose the weight, unless it was for health reasons, and I can't imagine that for her. She looks at me and the most awkward conversation I've ever had began.

Her: How are you?!? I haven't seen you in a LONG time!

Me: I'm fine, how are you?

Her: Oh, I'm doing great! After we stopped dating, I went on a small diet and started exercising. I lost some weight.

Me: ...I noticed. You look... different.

Her: Oh, the hair? *runs fingers through it, tried to flip what's there* I decided to get a bit dramatic, you know, not be such a mousy person.

Me: Mousy isn't really a word I would use to descri-

Her: And I got back with my ex. I should've never left him in the first place, but everything happens....

Me: *blank stare*

Her: Yeah, me and my ex are back together.

Me: So... you took a step back?

Her: *cackles* You always had that defense mechanism about you.

Me: That's not really a adjectiv-

Her: I think my tits got bigger. Look at them.

Me: *blank stare*

Her: And my ass? OH. It has gotten SO firm. Wanna squeeze it? It's ok. My boyfriend and I have an open relationship. It was his idea when we first got back together.

Me: *blank stare* So... you took TWO steps back?

Her: *cackles* You are so funny! And you still cute, in that boyish type of way.

Me: Um... thanks?

Her: I was thinking we should exchange numbers... catch back up with one another.

Me: I don't think that would be appropriat-

Her: I need a "buddy" if you know what I mean. He's not having sex with me right now.

Me: Um, I really didn't need to kno-

Her: I'll give it to you. You can have it. You can tak-

Me: You know what? Yeah, I think I need to go.


And so, I walked away shaking my head.

What bothers me the most is, I felt like she was serious. I'm a goofy guy, I can take a joke or two, and I have a good sense to know when someone is tugging my chain. But this? This felt like a sad attempt from a woman who got back with her ex because she felt like no one else would want to be with her.

It's awkward to see someone you used to date, and they try to make themselves more desirable for you, as if you'll just drop everything and say "Oh, I've DREAMED of a moment where we could possibly date again, thank you for giving me that chance."

It's downright depressing.

I see it all the time, especially from men. "Yeah, so, remember when you dumped me in high school 15 years ago? Well, now I got this new truck, and my house is paid for, and I can have any woman in the world." But you're trying to pick up an old classmate? On some old revenge thing? Fail.

Women are just as bad. "So, you know, after I lost 300 pounds and stopped smoking weed, I decided to get fake breasts. Don't I look sexy now?" No. You look desperate. No self respecting man wants a desperate woman. Fail.


There is something to be said about having a desire to prove to someone who "dumped" you that you're better than you were before. The problem comes in, in those cases, that it's not about being dumped, it's about not being compatible with someone. If you don't like at least one of the same things I like or you don't even want to attempt to broaden your horizon, then what's the reason for me to even get to know you, much less date you?


It's just my take on the situation.

Dating is bad enough, I don't need to re-date bad dates.

That's like re-heating already burnt cooked popcorn. The pop is gone, you can't get it back.

And it tastes horrible.