I used to love him... (Or, The Return pt. 2)

She looks at the receiver in her hand in disgust. She hangs up the phone.

Sighing, she turns and walks to her bathroom. Looking in the mirror, she wonders what happened. What made him leave her all alone for all this time, and then think that he could just drop back in her life like he's so... so... special. Just who do he think he is?

She feels the hot tears fall down her face. She missed him, and she was so worried about him. He didn't have to lie, she would've loved him anyway. Of course, she thought, I would've never told him. Maybe that was the problem. He knew she knew about him, but at the same time, she knew that he knew about her. She knew he covered up about a couple of mistakes he made in his life, but was that as bad as her covering up the fact that she was madly and deeply in love with him?

That was my mistake, she thought. Wiping away the tears, she shook her head. She could've told him, actually she could've saved him, had she just been honest with herself. Sure, everything isn't her fault, he takes most of the blame, but she asked herself if you see someone drowning and you've got the lifeline, do you throw it to them or watch them fade away?

Walking back into the bedroom, she gets dressed. If he was returning, there was only one of two places he could be. She figured she'd better find him first, before he finds her. He's gonna be sad, she can feel it. She left him hanging, on purpose.

Her life was going fine. She had just started back dating again, and she met this guy. He was what she thought she needed in her life, and she dropped everything to get this guy. Then, as soon as the sex went down, so did he. Left, without a trace. Changed number, changed apartment, changed everything. She shook her head. He told her that she makes herself too available too soon, and guys prey on that.

She knew he was right.

And she hated that about him. She hated everything about him, how he looked, how he dressed, how he went though life as if everything was going to be ok one day, no matter what the odds were that he was facing, how he was so chipper all the time, how he always gave the best advice, how he never fussed when she didn't follow the advice and came back for more. She hated that he just had to be right, even when he told her...

She shook that thought off. She doesn't love him. And he doesn't love her. If he did, he would've never lied to her, he would've never had her so worried. He would've never left so abruptly, he would've called, he would've said SOMETHING, anything, just.... She'll never forgive him, never. Once bitten, twice shy. She's not going back to him, even though she needs him, she loves him, she loves his smile, his smarts, his nicknames, his kiss... She told him that he was the most passionate man she's ever kissed. She could feel the love come from him in every kiss, every time he looked at her. He didn't keep secrets, not damaging secrets to her; no, he told her everything, always. He trusted her, more than he trusted some of his family. She sighed. She broke his heart, and in turn, Karma came along and broke her heart for him.

She broke down in heaving sobs.

She loves him and hates him at the same time. She don't know how that's possible, but she doesn't want to face him until she can figure that out.


The phone rings again. She looks at it, scared to pick it up. She calms down and wipes her face. She walks over to the handset and picks it up.

"Hello?"

"You don't hate him, you know. Stop acting as if what he did was any worse than what Bobby did. Or Joesph for that matter. And what about Ant? Oh, he was one of the worse. He loved you, you know that, right?"

She almost dropped the phone. Who was this woman, and how did she know so much about her? "Wh- Who are you? How did you get this number? How do you know me?"

"I know more than you think I know. I know you love him. You love him dearly. Stop acting all mad, stop pretending that you can stay mad at him and hate him forever. If you don't, you'll lose him forever."

She quizzed, "Lose him?"

"Yes, girl," the voice answered. "You'll lose him, to someone who'll treat him better, who'll tell him from jump that he don't have to lie to kick it. Who'll tell him the minute she knows that she loves him and won't drag him through heaven and hell every single day. What was the meaning of telling him you love him, and then taking your love away from him? Things like that, it sticks with him for a long time. 2 others have already done it to him, and now, you, the person who told him that you trust him with your life, did it to him, too. Hmmph, if I was him, I wouldn't talk about you ever again. But I'm not him. He's a special guy, and you know it."

She screamed, "Who are you? Who are you to tell me how I feel about him? I hate him, yes, I do! I hate him for lying and then leaving, especially when I needed him the most! I hate the fact that... that..."

"That what?"

She cried out. She sobbed. "That I love him so much!"

The voice was eerily cold and flat, but she could hear the emotion in every syllable she spoke.

"Then tell him. Before we all lose him."

And the line went dead.